Funniest Airline Announcements

Flex Air Commercial Aviation, Travel

Safety is important when flying, however, who actually pays attention to the safety briefings and other announcements that are required for commercial airlines? They tend to be fairly tedious and boring, but every now and then, cabin crew members try to make their tedious announcements more entertaining.

Takeoff

After a plane taxied for a long time, “If you look to your right that was the terminal we left an hour ago. I hope that you enjoyed your tour of the airport. We should be leaving shortly.”

“Flight attendants prepare for blast off”

On an early morning flight, “I noticed a few ladies who forgot to put on their makeup this morning. I’ll be dimming the lights for your convenience.”

“Oxygen will flow at a rate of $2.00 for the first minute then 99 cents for each additional minute.”

Mid-Flight

“We have now reached our cruising altitude. Please feel free to move about the aircraft, but please stay inside the plane until we land. It’s a bit cold outside and if you walk on the wings, it affects the flight pattern”

“Please keep your seat belts fastened and enjoy our complimentary turbulence.”

Announced during a period of turbulence, “No need to be alarmed folks, that’s just the sound of your luggage being ejected from the aircraft.”

Landing

After a rough landing, “Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we’ll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”

“Folks it has been great having you flying with us today. But just like my Dad said to me the day I turned 18: get out.”

“Thank you for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of US.”

“Last one off the plane has to clean it!”